Technology

Congratulations on your recent purchase of AnyMovie on DVD! You are just a few quick steps away from enjoying this fine feature on your home theater system. To get started, here's all you need to do...

1. Remove the AnyMovie DVD from the bag provided by the store.
2. Remove the shrink wrap from the AnyMovie DVD. Note that this step will require either exceedingly long and sharp nails, a pair of scissors, or a knife of some sort. Take care when using the scissors or knife that you don't accidentally damage AnyMovie's packaging--we spent hours creating those glorious photos and writing that flowing text. It'd be a shame to damage the package before you even have AnyMovie open!
3. Remove the decorative slipcover that protects the AnyMovie DVD case, which in turn, protects the AnyMovie DVD itself. Don't misplace this slipcover, though, as you'll want to keep it handy when storing the AnyMovie DVD in your DVD rack. During this step, you may notice that the slipcover and the actual DVD case have identical artwork, front and back. This may lead you to wonder why we included the slipcover, since it appears redundant, increases shipping costs, and eventually increases landfill usage. Don't worry about such things; that's our job. Just rejoice in the knowledge that you'll soon be enjoying AnyMovie on your own theater system.
4. Using either your sharp fingernails, the scissors, or the knife from step two, remove the sticky anti-theft wraps that we have thoughtfully placed on the top, right, and bottom edges of the DVD case. You may find these annoying, especially as they have a tendency to either tear apart or rip off portions of the DVD case artwork, but rest assured--they're there for your protection. Really. See, if they weren't there, then we'd be forced to charge more for the AnyMovie DVD due to increased piracy. You see, there's no telling how many people would stand there in the store, rip the shrink wrap off the package, remove the slipcover from the DVD case, pry open the DVD case, and remove the disc(s) before slipping out of the store unnoticed. Thanks to these plastic peel-offs, though, we don't have to worry about such things.
5. Turn the DVD case on its edge, and look at the long side of the case. Notice the two tabs with the words "Open" and the small arrows pointing up. Insert your sharp fingernail, or other suitably pointed object, into the nearly-invisible crack at the top of these tabs, then pry in a downward direction. With luck, the tabs will pop open. If you're out of luck, though, your fingernail will pop off, or your sharp object will break. If this happens, please find another fingernail or sharp object to use to complete this step. If you're bleeding, first apply a bandage to prevent any blood from staining the AnyMovie DVD. (Our warranty doesn't cover malfunctioning discs caused by consumers' bleeding onto the media).
6. Open the DVD case, and quickly scan through the valuable movie discounts and other advertising we've included to keep your costs down. Again, we're acting in your interests here. Without these inserts, your cost would be notably higher. If you splurged on the Special Edition of AnyMovie, then you may find some interesting-looking related extras. If you bought the standard version, you're now staring at an empty black case, devoid of anything useful other than the disc itself.
7. Remove the disc from the carrier. Note that this will require at least two hands, and possibly three, especially if you have small hands. Do your best not to touch the disc in any way during this step; you may get a fingerprint or scratch on it, which will, of course, not be covered under warranty (we cannot be responsible for damage caused by the consumer).
8. Insert the DVD into your player, and then sit back and enjoy AnyMovie!

Yes, I received a few DVDs for Christmas. Yes, I think the packaging for DVDs has gone beyond ridiculous to the point of idiocy. Do I think things will change anytime soon? Unfortunately, no. But I feel better now, having ranted about it a bit!